This is the last time I’m writing about “women in beer”

This is it. This week is the first, last, and only time I am writing about “women in beer” on this blog. I see some of you sneaking a look at my byline — rest assured I’m a woman, and rest equally assured I’m tired of this topic. I guess it’s still relevant but after 11 years of beer writing I, personally, am going to do my best to retire from writing about it.

A few disclaimers:

I’ve only been in the beer-community-or-whatever in three parts of the country, and all of them are, in the grand scheme of things, progressive. I don’t know what it’s like elsewhere.
I was born at the right-ish time. Women who got into beer in, say, 1990 might have spent a whole lot of years without any other women to geek out on beer with. If you are “of a certain age,” you get a pass to get excited about women in the beer community because I know it was different for you back in the day.
It’s easier for me to be in a room full of drunk dudes than it is for many women. Both because I’m not across-a-crowded-room hot and because I’ve worn a wedding ring since 1998, I get a different level of male attention at beer events than 24-year-old single gal might. I’ve had my share of drunken yahoos try to get in my pants, but it’s not a constant burden. I can understand why other women might be more interested in a women-only safe space in which to enjoy alcohol and slamming the groups that exist for that purpose is not my intent.
This whole discussion is a first-world problem of the whiniest order. As a white person in the US, I think there’s a limit to how much I/we get to complain about feeling prejudiced against. Women’s relationship with an alcoholic beverage isn’t exactly the most pressing feminist concern of our time, either.
As first-world problems go, how about nonwhite people in beer? There are more men than women involved in the beer industry and community, but that’s nothing compared to how white those spaces are. But race is awkward so no one talks about it.

Now let’s all hold hands and sing kum-ba-ya because women are one big happy family

I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, devalue anyone’s woman-focused beer activity, or come off as “one of the guys.” I’m just trying to explain what I’ve experienced as a Woman In Beer(tm) and why I’m more than ready to move on from this being something I, Jen, need to discuss or embrace even though we live in a world where gender issues are still pretty screwed up. You do what you want.

Though it will surprise no one who knows me that I’m going to complain a little bit before I retire the topic.

Part 1: The customer is not always right

Working as a bartender at beer bars has definitely brought the subject up for me from time to time. As any service industry worker knows, customers say some crazy shit, and their bon mots involving maleness and femaleness are no exception.

Flavors have no gender

Both men and women occasionally ask me for “chick beer” or “girly beer.” For these customers, “girl beer” means a range of characteristics from light in color to fruity to Belgian to “comes in one of those fancy glasses.” Similarly, it turns out there are men out there who don’t want to drink out of a tulip glass because they think it’s effeminate. These are likely the same guys who refer to bars as “man caves.”

Customers, please don’t describe beers (or glassware, or anything) this way. Instead, tell the bartender what you like and don’t like. Give examples of brands; identify flavors as best you can. It’ll get easier the more you do it. Bartenders, I hope you are already not using these terms. If you are, either you’re new at your job or may need a different one. Nicely tell customers using these terms that you don’t understand them and probe for more information.

Don’t tease your friends or significant other no matter what they’re drinking. Bartenders, especially male ones, step up and defend the guy whose friends are calling him a pussy for drinking a framboise.

Guys, don’t assume your wine-drinking girlfriend wants the lightest or fruitiest beer on the menu at a beer-only place. Don’t choose a beer for your ladyfriend unless she asks you to. She’s got a mouth and it’s not 1952. She can talk to the bartender herself.

You don’t need a beard to answer beer questions

Bar patrons sometimes ask me if I know anything about the beers on tap, or express surprise that I do. I’m not sure that’s entirely gender-based — I’ve definitely been served by my share of know-nothing male bartenders so it’s fair to manage one’s expectations for what a bartender will know. Sexist assumptions been more obvious on the occasions when patrons walk right past me to deal with my male colleague 5 or 10 feet away instead. This doesn’t happen all that often, but it happens often enough to be annoying. I can only imagine how much more it happens to young, adorable female bartenders who also have solid beer knowledge (yes, they exist).

On the other hand, sometimes a female customer will make a beeline for me or even express relief that I’m a woman. This is a little odd to me — I’m a bartender, not a gynecologist — but sort of endearing in its own way. I guess it all evens out. As long as we’re pooling tips, hey, no skin off my ass.

Are there women in your bar? Let’s keep it that way

One final downer note for managers and bartenders: it should go without saying that it’s your job as a hospitality professional to make your bar a comfortable place for women to be at. Just like you’d cut off a customer who’s had too much to drink, it’s also your place to intervene when a dude is being creepy to a woman, which happens more often than it should. I’d hope you’d also step in if a customer was hassling a person of color or a gay person or, frankly, anyone.

No matter where you go, there you are

There, feels good to have gotten that out of my system. Now let’s be realistic. Creepy guys are creepy everywhere, not just in bars (though alcohol surely emboldens them). Men who don’t let their partners order their own food or drinks are likely pushy in other ways. People who say “girly beer” probably also have many other stereotypical ideas of what a woman or a man should be. Men who’d rather talk to a male bartender than to me would probably also prefer a male doctor, accountant, and mechanic. None of these things are beer problems…they’re people problems. If I didn’t do beer for a living, I’d see it all somewhere else. For those of us who live in a beer bubble, this is easy enough to forget, but there’s no use blaming my favorite tasty beverage for the way the world works.

Next up, Part 2: Now stop congratulating me for having ovaries